X Marks the Spot
I stepped into Susan's car and she immediately asked me to show her the top of my head. Confused but compliant I bowed my head in her direction. "I was just looking to see if you had an X on the top of your head that said "Shit here" she said. That feels like a pretty succinct summary of the past several months. Both the "shit here" directive as well as the "confused and compliant" response. I guess it started the first week of October when my employer thought a great way to reward me for the hours and hours of blood, sweat, and tears over the past year was to reduce my pay significantly. It's a long story but the final result was them reinstating my pay, albeit freezing it. The message my employer delivered loud and clear was that my work and effort was trivial and worthless. The spectre of being so utterly devalued is something I have been unable to shake ever since. I've been showing up at work completely disengaged for t