Prayer: Will it Taco?

I know what you're thinking.  

This chick is smoking something.  

Untrue.  

Never have never will. 

It's actually a reference to a couple of affable internet guys who have a really successful You Tube Channel show called Good Mythical Morning.  One of their recurring segments is Will It...? (Will it Taco, Will it Pie, Will it Ice Cream...)  They put increasingly bizarre ingredients within the said food medium to find out if it will. As in...will it be edible.  At the ready, they each have their own personalized barf bucket so... as you can imagine... some things don't taco.  For those that find it funny when grown men wretch and vomit (me), it's hilarious.  

And what - pray tell does that bit of sophomoric tom-foolery have to do with prayer. 

Stick with me for a bit.

I've been a Christian virtually all of my life.  Grew up in the church and spent more than a few years at a bible college, even receiving a masters degree.  But you see, the truth is I have always struggled with prayer.  There are a myriad of ways that you are "supposed" to pray. Pray without ceasing. Pray big cuz we have a big God. Pray expecting an answer. A  tiny bit of faith moves mountains. Pray in Gods will.  Pray humbly.  Pray boldly.  Gah!  To add to the confusion, if you believe God has a plan for your life, or is a sovereign God, then prayer becomes even more tricky.  If God's got it all planned out, then what am I praying for?  He's gonna do what he's gonna do, right? Then there are the more umm...exhuberant prayers?...the ones who pepper their prayers with some bling...shaking, tongues, moaning, etc.  And lets not forget those people that believe your answer, or lack thereof, is a direct reflection of your faith (or...your sin).  

Such crap.  There I said it.  

The fact is, people are always trying to corner the market on the best way to pray.  In other words, they try to fill that (prayer) taco with all manner of increasingly bizarre fillings to determine if it will, in fact, taco.  

Pass the barf bucket.  

I have recently been praying the Psalms.  One a day.  Not because I want to be one of those people that says "I read all the Psalms - one every day for 150 days - do I get my merit badge now?" Rather I am reading them because I got a really bad prayer taco not that long ago.  One that shook my faith a little.  I got swept up in some well meaning people's "new way to pray" that would compel God to answer.  Let me tell you something, when you have prayed for something every day for over four years you get a little desperate. So you try something, in the moment, that you wouldn't ordinarily consider. Preying on a person's desperation...well...let's just say, it ended badly for me.  And I felt a little victimized by it to tell you the truth. Lonely.  Bereft.   

So, knowing I did not want to stop communicating with God I decided I would pray David's prayers for awhile and see where it led me.  And I have noticed a theme.  David had a lot of enemies.  He prayed for God to save him, protect him and help him.  Over and over and over again.  And not only did he pray for his personal protection, he prayed often for a) vindication and b) vengeance.  David's prayers are raw.  Full of fear and desperation.  I guess we would all feel that way if we had that many enemies.  I am thankful for David's prayers because they mirror my own pleas.  They resonate with me.  But the new discovery for me was the double V's.  Vindication and Vengeance.  There are situations in my life where I have desperately prayed for restoration of a broken relationship with people who are determined that I have done something wrong or am irredeemable.  I also have enemies.  People whose singular goal have been to harm and hurt me.  Whose communication to me is not just that there is something wrong with me, but that I am something wrong.  David had enemies and I have enemies and that kinship was a relief.  However it never occurred to me to pray for vindication. Hide me, protect me, help me...I've prayed those words thousands of times.  But vindication?  That seemed super bold to me.  I would be happy with restoration but vindication goes a step beyond that.  Restoration indicates that this person - this enemy - has come to a place where they can make peace with that 'thing' you did, find 'forgiveness', and move toward a relationship again. Restoration doesn't necessarily indicate renunciation of what they hold against you. But vindication...it's where you are exonerated in those peoples eyes. They see the truth.  No judgement hanging over your head.  Given peoples penchant for always being right, vindication is a voluntary release of their previously held convictions against you once they are faced with the indisputable truth.  Really?  I can pray for vindication?  That is a stunning revelation that I'm still trying to embrace.  

Vindication - will it taco?  Yes!  

However...vengeance?  

I gotta say...I'm struggling with that.  Because for most of my enemies, I don't want vengeance. I just want to be left alone. I want to be left in peace.  I don't want to think of them at all.  I have very little interest in vengeance.  I can't even in good conscience fathom how I could pray for that. The best I can do is ask that God deal with them.  And frankly, I hope they are bowed by the grace that is available to them, but I just don't want any part of their future - good or bad. David petitions God over and over to deal harshly with his enemies; he wants them to experience the pain and fear they have visited on him and he wants them to feel the entire might of God against them. He wants them to experience a crushing defeat in exchange for what they have done to him.  So, how does my brain which has been conditioned to think "love your enemies and do good to those that hate you" wrap her mind around this theme in David's prayers?  

No, seriously, I'm asking. Every time I read it, I ask God...what is that about?  Every time I read it, I say...I'm not interested in this God.  But chapter after chapter...it's there.  And while I am not planning any of my enemies painful demise, I do ask God to deal with them.  I guess what I do take away from this, however, is a tremendous sense of validation.  How often do we invalidate the egregious things that have been perpetrated on people by patronizingly reminding them to "love your enemies" or "turn the other cheek".  But David's repeated prayers for vengeance validates the serious nature of what has happened.  What's been done cannot be prettied up with a nice little bow and re-labeled as something less offensive.  That is, in fact, abusive. 

David was a man after God's own heart and he was also one really messed up guy.  Yet he knew that no matter what, God would never leave his side.  And he knew God had his back - always.  I've never had anyone who had my back.  So perhaps this is why David's penchant for vengeance seems so out in left field for me.  And although I won't be praying for retribution any time soon, these prayers of David serve as a reminder to me that God has my back.  Always has and always will.  
"For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust...from my youth.  Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother's womb."  Psalm 71:5,6 
"You will not need to fight in this battle.  Stand firm, hold your position and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf." 2 Chronicles 20:17 
Vengeance, will it taco?  I think so.

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