Be a Lamp

OK - my original title was "Shittiest Day Ever".  I know....that didn't sound like a great title.  I should be a little more delicate.  Polite.  Circumspect.  And it really wasn't my shittiest day ever.  I had that day already and it wasn't this. But it was a super bad day.

I nearly quit my job today.  I nearly walked out.  I nearly called my realtor and put a For Sale sign on my lawn.  I nearly got in my car and drove away from it all.  

People.

They suck.  

Some days you think you've seen it all and then...people...they surprise you.  And not in a good way. Bitchy, clueless, rude, unbelievably unprofessional, bullying, insolent, soulless people...

I can't even begin to explain everything that went sideways today.  And the list of people who contributed to this being one of the worst days ever since starting my job over 2 1/2 years ago is long. The level of disrespect...not just once, twice, three times...

I was rendered speechless more than once today.  

All of it, on the heels of an infuriating email from my dad.  This is a new relationship for those that don't know.  Just 4 1/2 years old.  2 1/2 of those years have been very long distance. This was a man who, for the first 51 years of my existence never chose to enter my life despite invitations from my mother, my grandmother and me.  I sort of ambushed him one day (December 5, 2012 to be exact) and said "hey...here I am".  It was a great meeting actually (one I hope to start blogging about soon) and those first couple years were amazing.  But in the past year there have been some disappointments.  Confusion.  Culminating in an infuriating email he sent me about 10 days ago.  One of the things he stated in that email was that he was worried I had no one to turn to here in case of emergency. And I was shocked, frankly, at this statement.  Given that I have always had to rely on others my entire life. Given that others had been the ones who came through for me even though they had no obligation to do so.   Given that who I am and what I am is due, in large part, to others...many, many others who invested a little or a lot into my life.  None of who I am is due to him.  It is due to others. So, this pronouncement that I didn't have anyone here to turn to in case of emergency read as audacious and patronizing to me.  

Then today happened.  The day I almost threw in the towel because of the endless supply of crappy people. 

A day where I just wanted to quit.  Period.  

Then...inexplicably...who should appear?  But others.  Those that choose to step in.  Step up. People who, without obligation to do so, are there for me.

Meghan, who looked at me and said "you aren't doing well" and got up and gave me a hug.  

Wanda, who took one look at me and also said "you aren't doing well" and gave me a hug then told me what a great job I do.

Barb, who talked me off the ledge, closed my door and let me vent, cry and throw things...then gave me a hug and told me to come for a walk with her.

Carol, who fed me dark chocolate covered mango... surprisingly good...and made me laugh, then gave me a hug. 

Michael, a phone call and a confidential vent...who told me I couldn't quit, I was too valuable.

Rene, who, from out of the blue, emailed me pictures of his new twin boys!  What??!! Little Noah and Jack - you made my day.

Susan, who just lost her mother this weekend but invited me for drinks with her family on the deck at the Black Fin and made ME feel better.

Heather, who offered me a seat at the "Adult Only Sesame Street" and made me laugh out loud, hysterically, alone in my living room.  

Janine, who called me "cheeky".

Kathleen, whose daughter just endured some major surgery this weekend, and told me I made her day.

Kim, who owes me a hug and I know she'll deliver. 

Yeah, you know what?  I think I'll be OK.