Single. Not single.

So...it would seem that I no longer think I might be dating.  

Nope.  

I think I AM dating.  (Insert a small giggle here)

Yes - my last dating experience was in 1979. Nearly 4 decades ago. Oh...that's...wow...old...I'm old! So given that I last dated in another century, I thought I would embark on this experience with a great deal of maturity. And by maturity, I mean, pragmatism. Hard earned lessons leading the charge.  I would be rife with sensible-ness.  

Imagine my surprise. Instead I feel a little giddy. Cute.  Silly. And kinda high school. Wondering if he feels the same way. Then I hear that he's mentioning me to people and I feel a quiet little thrill. I confide in a mutual friend and we both laugh - eyes dancing. "How great that two special people in my life are seeing each other", she says.  

I want to tell people.  

And yet, I don't.  

Partly because there are some key people that should know first, but mostly because I have this selfishness that wants me to keep it close and quiet and just between the two of us for now. Maybe because to out this relationship will mean it's met with well-meaning exuberance by my friends, co-workers and acquaintances and I feel like the purity of it will be lost when that happens.  

And then, the pragmatism steps to the fore and sternly reminds me that this man isn't the love of my life. He's just a companion. And new friend. We both like our independence. Our space. Our own interests. So just calm it down a little. After all, he's a wee bit of trouble. That part I knew already. He's always been a rebel. A bit of a black sheep. But then he speaks things to me that makes my soul sigh deep relief. When you're afraid of repeating bad mistakes and your mind is keenly alert for any sign of previous behaviours you never want to endure again - and then the rebel unknowingly diffuses those concerns...well, I gotta say...it's worth exploring this relationship a little further. 

And that's when the girl in me steps next to the stiff-necked  pragmatist, gently edges it aside and says "but"... it's nice to feel that closeness. To tease and laugh and lean in to each other. It feels good to walk into a place as a couple.  A soft hand at my back. Pragmatism. You'll have your time - but it's not today. I'm not looking too far ahead. I'm just enjoying this new discovery. These new feelings. These secret little smiles I walk around with.  


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