Golden Rule

I've learned that when something comes up over and over again you should take notice of that thing.  

That's why I'm making enchilada's tonight for supper. You wouldn't believe how many times that has come up in conversation in the last 24 hours as well as my annoying Bing newsfeed on my internet home page at work. There it was - "Dinners you can make in 30 minutes or less." Enchiladas. (As an aside - I opened that article to see what other fast dinners might be added to my repertoire and it had sandwiches on it. Really? A sandwich. The reason I go online for supper ideas is because I don't want to make a sandwich - nor do I need a recipe for it.  But yes - I digress.)

Enchilada's for supper. Check.

The other thing that has been constantly turning up on my radar is how horrible people are. Not just the bonafide horrible, horrible people, as in the serial killers and the rapists and such. But the everyday people you run into who are horrible people. And those "regular" kind seem to be multiplying. Like an airborne virus - infecting swaths of people with each noxious  exhale.

And because this blip on my radar screen won't go away I am actually going to publish a post I wrote a week ago.

I wrote the post when I was scared and upset. Then I took a step back. Gave it some space. Maybe, after a bit of time had passed I might realize I over-thought something. (I'm the Queen of Overthinking). Perhaps I misinterpreted it. Or maybe it wasn't as big a thing as I first thought.  Maybe it was actually teeny tiny but was one of the scads of teeny tiny things that day and just happened to be the  one teeny tiny thing that toppled the whole pile and sent them all skittering. But - this thing - it's bothering me. And I'm not sure what to do about it. It's been affecting how I look at the world around me recently. And by the world I mean, my community, my neighbourhood, my workplace.

Here's the post I wrote last week:

I've been sipping my second martini, wiping away tears I thought I had spent already. I've been pondering what seems to be pandemic of bad behaviour by middle-class middle-aged white males. I've been pondering this because I was fresh off another encounter with an angry, menacing male trying to bully me. I can't help but wonder sometimes, especially if those encounters are becoming all too common. I wonder if there is something about me that attracts these kinds of weirdos. I know their behaviour is not my fault but I can't help but go down that road anyway. I tried to divert my rumination by reading the online CBC news page and found this breaking headline: Canada's Kim Boutin subjected to online threats after winning short-track bronze. Really? It's Speed Skating. And yet there are people who think it's necessary to threaten death - yes, death - because the Korean skater was disqualified enabling a Canadian skater to win the bronze medal instead.

This world has gone completely nuts. Bonkers. Crazy.

In September 2014  I moved home to the sleepy little Valley I grew up in. I happened to have moved from the violent crime capital of Canada eleven years running, Regina, SK. I  had spent the last 8 years there. When you live in Regina, as a habit, you lock your car doors at all times and remove any items visible to people who may walk by. This is necessary to hedge your bets against car thefts, burglaries, or smash and grabs. Notice I say "hedge your bets". These types of thefts happened anyway but you were obliged to try nevertheless, if for no other reason that to reduce the number of times you were broken in to. You also spent your hours at home with your doors and windows locked as well. You never knew who would enter your home - even while you were there - to steal from you. Certain areas of the city, after dark, are ill-advised to be in. There was a lot of scary stuff that I took in stride living in that city but oddly enough, I never felt threatened.

So, when I moved back to the Valley and the little town of Comox that shuts down by 8 PM I expected a lifestyle where you didn't have to be quite so vigilant. Habits die hard and I still lock my car at all times and keep the doors of my house locked even when I'm at home. I thought I was being unnecessarily vigilant because lets just say the age group I live amongst is generally so old, any sense of a threat would seem absurd.

And yet, since moving back, I have had a few too many confrontations with people who - on the very first encounter - are not just tremendously rude and disrespectful - they've been threatening, angry, and condescending. They've all been white males.

I don't understand this.

I'm a 5'3" middle aged woman who holds down a decent job, works hard, keeps to herself, is nice to the people I meet, smart, likes to laugh, and tries her best to leave the world just a little bit better than I found it. And yet, I've had one too many men who seem to find it more than OK - in fact, they clearly feel entitled - to appear at my door, my desk, my car - and present in a threatening manner. Their intent, without a doubt, is to intimidate.

I don't understand this either.

These people present as "normal" neighbours, husbands, residents, citizens. But this is not normal behaviour. It's despicable. It's unacceptable.

Tonight, halfway through my first martini, as I tried to calm myself, The Boy - The Beau - The Ball Cap - walked through my door for supper. "How was your day?" he asked.

"I've had better." I replied.

"What's wrong?" He was instantly at my side and his concern is what triggered my tears.

I told him - of the latest intimidation by a neighbour. He wanted to know where this guy lived. I was somewhat comforted by the fact that he would eagerly stand between me and this latest bully but those neanderthals don't typically act out when someone else is there to either witness their behaviour or challenge it. 

I don't understand how people feel  entitled to be so punitive and antagonistic. Whatever happened to "Do unto others..."? It's always been the way I've lived my life. Instead, the most hateful, ignorant, demeaning voices seem to have gotten the memo that they can bash me. Bash others.

I feel confused by all of it and it kind of makes me want to become a hermit. Or an accountant. 

I don't really have a point to this post. The people I share my writing with are caring, loving, kind individuals who know how to embrace the people around them and make the world a better place. But maybe my point is, although it may seem I am/we are surrounded by way too many horrible people, the fact is there are way more of us that are kinder and smarter. And we are better than those bullies. Don't pull the blinds and keep the lights off. Live boisterously and free. Let their hatred incinerate their own souls and leave yours light. 

I'm really glad about this because I would not like being an accountant.

{P.S. A few days after I wrote that initial post I was sitting at the Fin, chatting and laughing with the regulars on Wednesday night when a woman from the corner table got up to leave. Before heading to the door, she veered toward me, tapped me on the shoulder and said "Thank You!" 

I looked confused and said "For what?"

"I was having the worst day ever and I listened to your laugh and felt so much better" she replied.

I got up off my stool and gave her a long hug.

"We all have those days" I said, "You just made my day too."}