Falling in the General Direction of Up

I've learned that when something comes up over and over again you should take notice of that thing.   That's why I'm making enchilada's tonight for supper. You wouldn't believe how many times that has come up in conversation in the last 24 hours as well as my annoying Bing newsfeed on my internet home page at work. There it was - "Dinners you can make in 30 minutes or less." Enchiladas. (As an aside - I opened that article to see what other fast dinners might be added to my repertoire and it had sandwiches on it. Really? A sandwich. The reason I go online for supper ideas is because I don't want to make a sandwich - nor do I need a recipe for it.  But yes - I digress.) Enchilada's for supper. Check. The other thing that has been constantly turning up on my radar is how horrible people are. Not just the bonafide horrible, horrible people, as in the serial killers and the rapists and such. But the everyday people you run into who are hor...

I remember that first birthday after I had left my marriage. I had decided I could celebrate on my own. I told myself that I could treat myself to a dinner and a night out and i would be just fine. It was an epic fail.  Fast forward five years and tears are leaking from my eyes. There was no grand party or fancy champagne or dresses. There was no extravagant gifts or gestures or candles to blow out. There was something much better.  There was this soft, peaceful assurance that I am loved.  Yes, today I learned through social media that my daughter, is apparently, in Israel. Oh. Just another seminal moment in her life that I am in the dark about. Left out of. And yes, only one of my kids wished me a happy birthday. And another year has passed that my grandkids won't celebrate with me. I remember vividly my 50th birthday, Micah on my lap, helping me blow out the candles on my cake. It would be so easy to allow all of this to derail my day. To let the g...

I'm known for my shoes. When I walk into work people look at me then immediately to my feet to see what I'm wearing. Some people look and think they can determine my mood based on my footwear. Other's have their favourites and can't wait for me to show up in them again. There's many a person who love my red Miz Moo's. I bought them at a smokin' good clearance price and wore them for the first time on a flight from Comox to Regina - with a layover in Edmonton. As I'm strolling the Edmonton airport, killing time before my connection, a woman stopped dead in her tracks and pointed to my feet. "Oh"! she gasped. "Are those Miz Moo's?" she said with a bit of awe. Yes." I replied. "They're gorgeous!"  I also used to have a pair of orange patent leather heels. (Teachable moment: Never. Ever. Release a pair of your shoes unless they are literally falling apart at every seam and are irreparable. I have purgers reg...

I’m still working out the bugs about how and what and when to write a blog.   It is, after all, typically about my personal journey, observations, and experiences. Which means the content may vary. The rants could be explosive, the observances silly, and the opinions changing over time as new perspectives come to light. We’re all learning here. I also prefer to be funny. Inspirational if possible. I like to put the sunny spin on something. Maybe because I value and chase hope every single day. But I also know that in my own experience, people who are “always happy” can start to grate on you. And people who talk about the hard stuff – and hopefully how they navigated through it – are the ones I find the most value from listening to. I don’t think I’m special. No more than anyone else. I just like to string words together and hope they’re enjoyable. I never for one moment think my view of the world is “the” one. Everyone’s experiences are made up of thousands and thousands...

Remember that book a long, long, looonnng time ago entitled "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can" ? No? Well, there was a book called that. And I read it. A long, long time ago. I've been in a dance marathon for awhile now.  My winter - well - my fall and winter really - have been...ummm...well...an adventure? Errrrr....a challenge? Hmmm...a LOT! It's been a lot. The last 5 months have depleted me. Brought me to the end of myself. Which, you know, I kind of already went down that road in 2013 / 2014 so I thought after that I would take it easy for the rest of my life.  "Lets just keep things simple from now one. Safe. Quiet. Uneventful." Hahahahah! I'm so funny. Yeah.  The work thing has been indescribable. The train hit me about 2 weeks before the transition from our old hospital to our new one. I've tried many times to write about it - express it - but no luck. It's just...too...complicated. I've had other things in my life that reall...

I nearly cried at work today.  The unexpected thoughtfulness of my Medical Director nearly undid me. He handed me some Christmas cheer made by his own hand and it was a reminder of why this time of year is so special. I suppose it nearly made me cry because I was feeling (for a plethora of reasons) quite anxious about Christmas this year.  I was reflecting on why I felt this and thought part of the problem is  what we've made it in to. There are good and happy things about Christmas, but then we turn them into a THING - a thing that we must do . A bar we need to reach. A race we need to run. A competition with ourselves and others - something that requires us to up our game year over year. I hear a lot of people saying they are going to simplify Christmas and yet their simplified Christmas amounts to buying a few less gifts and baking only 6 different kinds of cookies instead of 10.  And it's not just the gifts (which, lets be truthful - no one really nee...

Oh the things my mind doesn't think of. I had an...interesting day. Can't really tell you about it cuz, you know - it's confidential. But what I can tell you is that it reminded me of the demons that try to take up space in my head. And the things those little pointy-eared bastards say and want me to believe.    I've named one of those ugly little creatures, Louis DePalma. Remember him?  Taxi. A sitcom circa 1978. He was the character played by Danny DeVito. (or maybe you remember him from Matilda - he played the "I'm smart, you're dumb" dad.) That short, stout, balding, sneering character that liked to taunt, cajole, diminish, and harass . He had no redeeming value whatsoever. He wasn't even an anti-hero. He was just anti. Well - that's what the demons in my brain are all about.  They have no redeeming value yet they are in there (for a plethora of reasons I won't bore you with).   I've waged war on those gnarly little th...